Hello, Blog.

I'm writing this to share me with whomever. I'v stared at my last entry a couple of times, and even started to write once. I feel like I need to contribute something to Zaadz, and to me sharing me is what it's about. I also share me to other people's blogs. I try to uplift, and send positive energy to people I resonate to. Referring to my last post though, I have to be careful that there aren't any strings attached to my gifts of positivity. I receive blessings from acts of unconditional love, but I have to have unconditional love before I can give it away. My ego sometimes tricks me into thinking that telling someone kind things is spreading the love energy that is all, and in reality, ego just feels less than, and needs a lift up. I want to truly, unconditionally, give everyone, everywhere, peace, and fullfillment, but sometimes the truth is that I don't have it to give. I'm not depressed, or trying for sympathy, or feeling less than. I'm just trying to affirm the truth to this reality for me, through writing this. Is it wrong to wish, or intend good for others when I don't feel as happy and free as my words might imply? I just had a thought about my grandmother, that tells me no.  I found out later, as an adult, why she and my grandad slept in seperate rooms, and were never seen being affectionate to one another. Yet always she was giving, thoughtful, loving, kind, tolerant, and understanding to everyone around her. Even when I'm sure she felt less than, she never let it affect me, or anyone I ever saw. She was my mother Theresa. Maybe some of her is in me. I believe I am the accumulation of all my experiences, so am I not a part of her also? I have practiced a spiritual outlook on life for five years, thirteen days, now, and part of that is trying to help others feel better. I just don't want to be selfish, and self centered, because that leads to a fantasy reality that can kill me. Hope that wasn't too strong. I nearly took that off, but truth. I'm rambling, but sometimes I think unstructured thoughts show more of the truth, than letting the different me's get ahold of it. I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. ha. I really and truly wish to give whatever peace energy I may have to all who need it. Thank you all for being there. My soul to yours.                      jerry