Thanks

I got to go see three of my children who are still home with their mother this weekend. This friday was my daughters eighteenth birthday. It was extra special to me, because the last birthday of hers I was there for was her seventh. I've taken a different path in life for the last four years eleven months, and have been blessed by slowly being back in my children's lives. They live two and a half hours away, and on the way home today my thoughts were on this weekends activities. There was a time, when my life was unmanagable by me, that the trip home would be a sad, and self-pitiful eternity. I have tried to get right with the universe, and as a result, I am blessed by taking part in their lives again. Today there was always a smile coming, or going from my face, as I replayed this weekend in my mind. Things are so different now, for only the small amount of time I've spent on my new journey. The guilt and shame of the past, is mostly understood, and laid down. I live mostly in the moment, and have more capacity to fully experience now, and all the blessings as they happen. Watching her blow out her candles, while aunt, uncle, grandmother, grandfather, cousins, mother, step dad, and me sang "happy birthday", brought a tears of happiness, not self pity to my eyes. Watching her open the gift I brought her, and watching her true happiness in receiving it made my heart swell. I've learned that before, I tried to use my children to feel better about myself. Now, I am very much aware, and on guard that doesn't happen. My only job concerning my children, is to do my best to make them happy, no matter what. True unconditional love has been my goal where my children, especially, are concerned. As I sit here writing, I'm tired. We swam and played basketball, and up until after twelve talking. I am also at peace. Once more God has done for me what I could not do for myself. My life is again in perspective. Thank you.