My Life / Awakening

o life how confusing you are! I taste the order, sense direction for a piece of my eternity, then the feeling is gone. How I long for that remembered warm comfort when I was a part of you. The long tragedy, the sudden end, the silence after the crash. Laying in the dark four corners contemplating why? Then, how? Then the slow realization, It doesn't matter anymore. Darkness, silence. Is there anything out there? Has all there is gone forever? Awareness. I'm still here. Memories flash quickly and are replaced by more. O life, please make this stop. Life, if there is a Life, please identify yourself. Let me see the plan. Again, it doesn't matter anymore. O life, the longing, the sobbing, gut clinching longing. The pictures in my mind stop. A long sigh. What now? Slower pictures forming, like a fade in. Blackness, cut diagonally with a soft clean lightness. Stars flung randomly across a black  velvet dome. An occasional unknown face. A strong sense that this is life. All. Life. Suddenly the warmth seeps in. From outside in. A feeling of peace. A feeling of comfort. Life. I'm not alone.  A cosmic beach. Grains of sand. Each one necessary to complete the beach. Life would not be complete without every grain existing in the space/time created for it. A smile in the dark. Who's is it? Mine. Dizzy. Sobs of laughter, out of joy well up. There is Life! The confusion is gone. I sense the order. I am carried up, even above the blackness. I see a flashing glimpse of the big picture. I feel more complete. No fear. No tomorrow. No past. I forget myself. Who am I? It doesn't matter. All that matters is life. The whole. All. Thank you Life for showing me what I sought all MY life. Now I know. New life. Remember....Remember.